So, I'm in Croatia.

So, I'm in Croatia. 

CRAZY!

My life feels so strange right now. But the way I can explain the season I am in, is with a conversation with Camomile, almost two weeks ago.

We were on our way to Shoreditch in London. I was using the satnav on my phone to get there and Camomile was also using my phone to aux our music.

She took the phone to add to the playlist and said,

'I don't know how you know where you're going, you can't see the map'.

My response was,

'I don't need to see the map. I just listen for the next instruction'

Then I said,

'Woah, that's a Word right there!'

The whole month of January, I had been thinking about what it means to have faith. We know that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). It is trusting and believing in what you don't see. Which is a lot easier said than done! But it is foundational to our walk with God. 

I resigned from my job in 2019 and have had some pretty big questions about my life and purpose. Early on, I made the conscious decision to have faith. It would have been so easy for me to slip into worry and doubt. Being unemployed, especially when a lot of your friends are employed, is difficult! I decided to learn a new skill (baking), focus on serving others and on being a good steward of what God has made me responsible for. I also took myself off social media, I didn't think it was useful for my journey and for where I was at that time. I felt happy, content and peaceful. 

Then, BOOM! I got an email about volunteering in Croatia! It came at the perfect time. Volunteering abroad is something I had always wanted to do and my parents and pastors were supportive of the opportunity. I felt peace about my decision to go, so I said yes! Now here I am. I've learnt a lot in the week I have been here. But that's for another blog post lol.

To be honest with you, I don't have a plan. I have ideas of what I would like to do. But a solid plan? Lol, nope. 

Whilst I may not know a lot, I know what the Word of God says.

1. That GOD has a plan for me. A good one at that. (Jeremiah 29:11)

2. That he KNOWS me. And if He knows me (better than I know myself, might I add), then His plans are perfect for me, right? It makes sense. (Psalm 139:1-6)

3. That His Word is a LAMP unto my path. (Psalm 119:105)

4. That my MANDATE is to preach the gospel. The Great Commission implores me to spread the GOOD NEWS. (Matthew 28:18-20)

5. That I am an ambassador of Christ. No matter where I go, no matter who I meet, no matter my career and profession, I REPRESENT CHRIST.(2 Corinthians 5:20)

6. That my purpose is to glorify God, in all that I do! (1 Peter 4:11)

And above all, to live a life of worship!

I can't see Gods map for my life. I don't know what He has planned for me and when. But, I am learning to hear His voice. I am learning to wait for His instruction. I am learning to look for GOD opportunities. I am learning to delight in His ways, and as I do so, my desires for my life are becoming more inline with His will. And that's the best place to be in, because ONLY THEN, will God grant me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4).

I encourage you to lean on God, for everything! Choose not to worry, but to have faith. Choose to be faithful. Choose to delight in your portion and to manage what God has given you well. Choose to spend time with God, not because He needs it, but because YOU need it.

And always remember, all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose! (Romans 8:28).

Until next time,

T x

Better late than never!

You don’t know what you’re doing? No worries, no one else does either.

Anyone else feel the intense pressure as a twenty-something year old, to have your life together? Yeah same.

Cant lie, I definitely feel like this pressure is only made worse by the doom and gloom stats thrown our way. Our standard of living is rising. The chances of us being homeowners are slim to none. Social media is ruining our generation. We will probably never repay our student loans. And it is under these circumstances that we must travel and live our best life and save money because life is still tight.

Sigh.

The pressure is immense. Pressure to be ‘making-moves’, pressure to appease our parents and make it look like we’re not as jobless as we may look and / or feel. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, according to society, being 20-something at this point in time, is all long. Which it is, to an extent. However, recently, I have personally become more determined to write my own narrative. Stay with me.

I’m almost 21 and in all honesty, I still have no idea what I want to do. I just have vague ideas about the sorts of careers and projects I’d like to venture in to. So I’m not completely clueless, however, sometimes I just feel like, why can’t I be like Alesha who knows that she wants to be an investment banker in central London with a salary of 100K a year? I envy people with that kind of certainty because they can focus their efforts better and work towards something solid. That level of certainty is reassuring. It’s the not knowing that personally drives me crazy.

If you also, are plagued with thoughts comparing yourself to your seemingly more ‘accomplished’ agemates, let’s just not. At the end of the day, I am not Alesha, and Alesha is not I. The trajectory of our lives are completely different, so why waste time staring at her lawn when I could be watering mine? Basically, we’re all on our own journey’s here, and we should OWN IT.

You don’t have to have your life together. You don’t have to know your end destination. You’re only job is to work on you. Take every opportunity afforded to you and make the most of it. Learn from every experience and make the effort to take yourself outside your comfort zone. Live life on purpose. Focus on the things that you’re passionate about and that stir something in you. Just because you haven’t decided what you want to do, does not mean you have to behave like a bum! 

I wont lie, this was mostly a pep talk for myself, but I figured I can’t be the only that feels like this sometimes. Ah, you don’t know what you’re doing? Don’t worry, no one else does either. Just walk by faith, choosing to believe that your story is a good one. Stay determined to experience everything beautiful about life. By the time you get where your meant to be, you’ll look up and realise just how epic your journey has been.

You don’t know what you’re doing? All good. You don’t really need to.

Jeremiah 29:11

P.s. I wrote this over a year ago and I'm just coming across this now. I have no idea why I didn't publish it earlier!! Im posting this anyway, it could be useful. Could😂

The Why Behind the What.

Hey everyone!

So, first things first, I’m back. I know I kind of went MIA, but I have important news….I’m running for ACS President!

I realise, that when voting for a leader, it’s not just about the plans and idea’s that individual may have. It’s about character and it’s about personality. Can you trust this person? Will they lead by example?

For me, it’s important that you understand the why behind the what. I can sit here and list out my plans and ideas for ACS next year…but I don’t think that will be useful if you don’t know the purpose behind them. If you don’t understand my heart for ACS. If you don’t know what motivates me, as your potential leader.  Leggooooo!

WHY AM I RUNNING FOR ACS PRESIDENT?

I’m running because I’m passionate about people. I’m passionate about being African. I’m passionate about community. This is what it is all about. Something magical happens when we band together, not only to have fun and get lit, but to engage in conversations that challenge us, teach us and grow us. Our culture is beautiful, rich and packed with history…it is something that unites us. Celebrating that is a privilege! If we could learn to work with each other, ACS can be a powerful community full of individuals who are passionate about people and passionate about Afro-Caribbean culture.

I’m also running because I want to better myself. If you read my last blogpost (Bold Prayers and Fearless Dreams) I mentioned that I want 2017 to be a year of growth for me and this is a manifestation of that. I’m doing something I never thought I would do, and enjoying it too. At the end of the day, I want everybody to reach their potential, to go beyond their fears, beyond their doubts and live the life they were meant to. If I’m going to encourage those around me, members and committee members to do so, I understand that I must lead by example.

I won’t even lie to you guys, it is the one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever done. Uncomfortable because simply stepping out and putting myself forward for this is going beyond my comfort zone. This entire process of campaigning is pulling more from me than I expected. It’s uncomfortable, but the growing pains are worth it.

One of my biggest fears is failure. But I’ve been thinking…no matter the outcome of this campaign I’ve achieved something great. I’ve conquered a fear of mine, I’ve stepped outside of my comfort zone and so has every other candidate in this campaign. I’m proud of you guys! (And good luck!)

If you believe in my vision, if you believe in the cause, then vote for me this Thursday.

#OPENHEART2K17

#BOLDPRAYERS AND #FEARLESSDREAMS

2016. What a crazy year!

Personally, for me it’s been so amazing, but challenging at the same time. Bittersweet.

I’ve accomplished so much, with God’s grace, and I’m so happy with what I’ve achieved. But whilst I’ve done well, my family has been and is going through some tough things, which makes it difficult for me to celebrate fully.

But even underneath all the accomplishments, there’s always been a kind of empty feeling, to put it one way. I’ve never truly felt whole. I was watching Dr. Myles Munroe’s talk on purpose and he asked questions that I realized I didn’t know how to answer.

1.       WHO AM I? IDENTITY.

2.       WHERE AM I FROM? HERITAGE.

3.       WHY AM I HERE? PURPOSE.

4.       WHAT CAN I DO? POTENTIAL.

5.       WHERE AM I GOING? DESTINY

My spiritual growth in the last couple of months has been incredible, and I’ve never felt a greater need to know myself and know my purpose than I have at this present moment. Hopefully, by the end of 2017, I’ll be able to answer some of these questions with a bit more certainty.

There’s so much I want to change this coming year. I want to be more organised, more educated, more efficient, more sociable, more confident, healthier, etc. etc. The list is endless. But the one thing that has burned in me this year, is the desire to be useful.

I don’t think that I’m here by accident and I don’t think that I’m here for myself either. My talents, my gifts can be a blessing to someone else. We’re blessed to be a blessing right? I don’t want to go to my grave, being full of potential that I never actualized. Books that I never wrote, characters I never played, songs I never sang, speeches I never delivered. For me, that would be the greatest waste of what God gave me.

I’m reminded of the Parable of The Talents, in the book of Matthew (Matthew 25:14-30). The last servant buried his 2 talents because he was scared. He didn’t multiply what was given to him, instead he hid it.

Don’t let that be you.

A friend of mine encouraged me to pray BOLD prayers and dream FEARLESS dreams.  And I encourage you to do the same this coming year. Do the uncomfortable. Challenge yourself. Reach your potential!

‘There’s something worse than being blind, that is having sight without vision’ -Helen Keller

So, what will 2017 look like?

To be honest, I don’t know what this year will look like for my family. But I know what it will look like for me. It’ll look like growth. It’ll look like productivity. It’ll look like creativity. It’ll look like consistency. It’ll look like inspiration, like encouragement, like motivation. It’ll look like joy. In all things, joy. I’m excited. Nervous, apprehensive, but ready. I won’t be like the servant in the Parable of The Talents. No more fear (because we know that’s a lie; 2 Timothy 1:7). No more excuses.

What will 2017 look like for you?

Happy New Year Fam.

#BOLDPRAYERS #FEARLESSDREAMS

#OPENHEART2017

Hurt people, hurt people.

Father,

I’ve just been thinking about my heart and the attitude of my serving. One thing I don’t want to do anymore is ignore the things in me that are not in line with you. The things in me that don’t reflect you and tend to harm others. I want to know what it means to SERVE you and to do it with the right HEART. I want you to change my heart Lord, to make sure it’s in line with yours Father.

1 Samuel 16:7 -But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

#OPENHEARTSURGERY

Open heart surgery. That’s my prayer Lord. That you would perform open heart surgery on me Lord. You see, I can change my actions on the outside, but if there’s no internal shift I’ll return to how I was. You can’t change an apple tree to an orange tree because the seeds that were planted were not orange ones. You reap what you sow. If I sow seeds of bitterness and chaos, surely that is what I will reap.

#OPENHEARTSURGERY

I struggle with my words. I say things sometimes that are not nice at all and I don’t know why. I used to just excuse this as a character trait of mine but this is not okay. As a child of the Most High God, I carry His spirit and therefore ought to reflect Him in SPEECH, in deed and in thought. Because I have His Spirit, I have fruits that reflect Him, like patience and gentleness, in me. They must manifest in my life.

 To be completely honest, I can’t pin point why I do this. But as I’m thinking of this, I’m remembering times where I’ve felt intimidated, where people have devalued me and made me feel bad about myself. I’ve always felt like I had to be strong and harsh to get people to leave me alone but it’s got to a place where its bled in to all my relationships even when they haven’t done anything to hurt me particularly. I remember I’d be talking to my Mum and something would come out of my mouth before I could stop it. And every time, I’d feel terrible. I’d sit in my room like I’m sitting now and think about what I said over and over and over. I’d criticize myself, never giving myself a break.

I remember when some boys at school used to shout Illuminati and laugh at me because I was a Christian and because I got uncomfortable (not because they were shouting Illuminati lol). I was never good at ‘roasting’ people but I had to learn especially when I found that I was the one being 'roasted' more often than not. I had to be strong so people would leave me alone. It got to a point where if people said they feared me, I would feel happy, I would feel a kind of smugness that I’d earned their respect, or rather, their fear. I was no longer the target anymore, well not publicly anyway.

#OPENHEARTSURGERY

It hurts me when people are hurt by what I say. Most of the time its not even purposeful, and it comes out way harsher than I intend it to. It’s not fun to make people feel that way. Funny how I now do what other people used to do to me. It’s difficult admitting this. But I said I wanted change. I said I wanted to do better, be better, for you Lord, for your Kingdom. I need to be honest about the condition of my heart. It’s weird because I’ve never been a bubbly person anyway…there has always been something that has been burdening me, and usually it’s been to do with my family. I’ve always had some chip on my shoulder. Always spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself, being bitter about my home situation, allowing it to harden my heart towards the people around me. I think it also hindered me from truly understanding your love too Lord. I didn’t understand grace and mercy at all, what it meant to love your neighbor.

#OPENHEARTSURGERY

My heart was hard. But you’ve positioned me in a place where I’ve experienced what it is to LOVE people and SEE VALUE IN THEM. Even though I’ve always wanted to do big things for you Lord, I realize that I never believed I could do it. I had an inkling in the back of my mind but looking at myself back then, I didn’t see someone that people would get behind and support. I didn’t see someone who was ready to serve with THE RIGHT ATTITUDE. With love. Not wanting to get anything out of it but just wanting God to be glorified. I didn’t see any of that in myself. Again, sitting here and typing this it’s difficult especially because I come across as quite a confident person. But insecurity has gripped me for the longest time. Difficult. Difficult. Difficult. Right now, I’m listening to Dr. R.A. Vernon ‘Pulling Me Through’ and I cannot believe what you’ve pulled me through Lord God.  You deserve all the Glory!

#OPENHEARTSURGERY

I guess my prayer is that you would perform open heart surgery on me Lord. May your Word, which is sharper than a two-edged sword, cut me up and may your love be the stitches that put me back together. May your love allow me to see VALUE in people, FORGIVE those who have hurt me, extend GRACE to those who need it. May I serve YOU and YOU alone LORD! Not serving to get attention, not serving so I can ‘one up’ anybody else, not serving to prove myself to anyone else. But may my heart reflect that of a true servant. One that wants to do the will of the Father. One that simply LOVES the Father, with ALL HER HEART, ALL HER MIND AND WITH ALL HER SOUL!

That was difficult to write but I thank you Lord for placing me in a humbling position. An honest one. Give me a CONTRITE SPIRIT GOD, one that will ALWAYS be looking to you to help me do better! Go deeper! Thank you for being faithful even when I was unfaithful God.

#OPENHEART

PROVERBS 18:21

PROVERBS 12:18

MATTHEW 22:37

COLOSSIANS 3:10

#OpenHeart

Hey everyone!

Often throughout my childhood, I would argue with my siblings. It was always the worst with my sister, often exchanging words we would struggle to forgive each other for. But when praying about it, I remember asking God to change HER. To make her nicer, more respectful, more like Him and so on. The sad part is that whilst I was busy begging God to change her, I was ignoring the condition of my own heart. I wasn’t asking God to work on ME. To be completely honest, I didn’t think I was that ‘bad’. I thought that because I was in Church, because I was serving that meant I was okay. I’d often ignore a lot of things in me that were not Christ like. Again, refusing to allow God to work on me and ignoring the call to pick up my cross.

I’ve found that a lot of the time, we want God to change other people. We are so focused on the faults of others yet we ourselves lack the desire for God to do HIS work in our OWN hearts. But this is not the attitude that God wants us to have.

This blog will be my personal journey towards a heart more like Christ’s. As God deals with me, changes me, shapes me and reveals things to me, I will share these things with you as He leads me.

My prayer is that God would perform #OPENHEARTSURGERY on me! That he would take away the things in me that are not like Him. That I would begin to reflect INWARDS. Asking God to change me from the INSIDE, OUT. Allowing God to do His work in me. May my own journey towards a heart more like Christ’s inspire and motivate you in yours.

Feel free to message me for prayer and encouragement!

Audrey x

#OPENHEARTSURGERY